Let Truth Scream

 

Doubting yourself is the quickest way to destroy your own happiness, confidence and even determination in life.

Why is it hard to trust?

Why do I struggle with confidence?

Why do I apologize for my own self without reason or causation?

Why do I lack trust in who God made me to be in this world?

As I sit looking back on these questions I wrote a few weeks ago I can see how easy it is to get lost in doubt, lack of self confidence, and the inability to trust anyone. In this high speed world we see flashes of everyone’s happiness, joy and gifts. There are few and far between vulnerable and real life stories in our newsfeeds…unless of course they are already wrapped in a pretty little bow to “encourage” us.

What about when we are still learning to navigate the treacherous waters our lives?

This last year has been filled with tons of ups, downs and me learning to navigate the waters of anxiety. As I have begun to do the hard work of inner healing I now realize anxiety is something I have been plagued with since my early twenties.

Anxiety is an interesting thing, too. It is not just something I have experienced during the tough times. I have also found myself struggling with anxiety during the joyous season of my life. It is almost as if the two extremes in life throw me into a tail spin. On one hand when life explodes with chaos and disorder and on the other hand when the blessings are surrounding me.

The root of insecurity, usually, is a core belief that who we are is not good, not enough and not deserving. We are not born with this belief but rather learn it when we’re young, when someone we deeply care about, through words, behaviors, or other means, teaches us that we are, ultimately, not loveable. -Nancy Colier, Psychology Today

In life there are trying times and joyous times.

When trying times hit I am overcome with anxiety and I begin to feel like it validates being unlovable and unworthy.

When joyous times hit I am overcome with anxiety and I begin to feel as if I do NOT deserve the joy and something bad is going to happen to prove my unworthiness.

I no longer am trying to cure my anxiety instead; I am getting curious about it and learning to engage with my feelings whether good or bad.

Rather than running from our belief, we must, counterintuitively, turn towards it, listen to, understand, welcome, and ultimately, come to love the part of our self that feels unlovable. By opening our heart to our own sense of unworthiness and the suffering that our belief in it has caused, we inexplicably discover our fundamental worth, which when deeply known, sustains us both in and out of relationship. -Nancy Colier, Psychology Today

There are many articles out there with self help advice that can be done at home however; there are times in life when we need to turn toward professional help to begin the healing process.

Our own loving relationship with ourselves, including all our parts, is, ultimately, the antidote to insecurity in our relationships with others.

I have just begun this journey of getting curious about how my mind works and I am interested in seeing how EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapy can help rewire my brain and thought processes.

This is just the beginning of my untangling. I am still in the trenches of anxiety most days however; I am more hopeful than ever that there are ways to grow, become stronger and learn how to live with this part of my mind.

**If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or anxiety please encourage them to share their struggles, find a support group or seek professional help.

 

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