Awaken by the feeling of surrender pushing deep into my heart.
Shut it all down.
Let it all go for this next season.
No need to hustle.
No need to share.
No need to build anything.
Just follow me down this path; trust me to lead the way.
Not even a full week in and I know in my heart this path is going to be hard…actually it is going to be harder than hard to let go of it all to embrace the possibilities of living differently.
As someone who lived in her bedroom growing up it can be easy for me to retreat from the world and begin to hide out yet, I do not believe He is calling me to retreat from living. Instead I feel this push to settle into being present and to let go of working on becoming.
Years of devouring books, Bible studies, college courses and online classes left me wanting more from myself. Not perfection per say but, something easier to digest than this mess swirling inside my heart and mind.
No amount of learning fixed my need for more or better from myself.
The weight of my imperfections held me captive for too many years. Seeking and searching for approval in accomplishments left and unending cycle of needing to achieve more and more.
What would happen if I let it all go?
Delete the apps.
Dismiss the cries for performance, platform and production.
Be what is needed right in front of me.
No amount of sales, speaking engagements and words in books will announce my arrival to the proverbial finish line.
In a world that tells us to be louder, work harder and ship more often I feel the pull to step back and fade away.
Step back into being present and fade away from the unnecessary chaos of taking the perfect picture or coming up with a catchy phrase to share to a broken world looking to tear everyone and everything apart.
Maybe I was never cut out for this passion He placed inside of me or maybe I have been misguided in my attempts to connect, encourage and inspire; either way my mind, body and soul are tired and need more than a sabbath.
Maybe a year.
Maybe a month.
Maybe a week.
Maybe a day.
Maybe just for a breath to pause, reflect and rest in this moment.
This opportunity has knocked a time or two before and I have only stopped for a moment leaving me hungry for more activity and accomplishment but, what if I can only regain my sanity through a longer period of time away to heal, grow and rise.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28 The Message
This moment has passed me before but, not this time…this time I will let it all go to get away with the only one who can really give me rest.